


Who's that Boy? It's Bitty!

by Loloia_Brabock



Category: Check Please! (Webcomic)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Crack Treated Seriously, F/M, Humor, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-08-01
Updated: 2017-08-09
Packaged: 2018-12-09 13:38:06
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,372
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11670204
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Loloia_Brabock/pseuds/Loloia_Brabock
Summary: “Okay, so you know in horror movies when the girl’s like‘Oh my God, there's something in the basement. Let me just run down there in my underwear and see what's going on in the dark because I can't turn on a light.’And you're just sitting there like,‘What is your problem, call the police!’But it's too late because she's already getting murdered? Well…“My story's kind of like that.”





	1. New Roommates

“Okay, so you know in horror movies when the girl’s like _‘Oh my God, there's something in the basement. Let me just run down there in my underwear and see what's going on in the dark because I can't turn on a light.’_ And you're just sitting there like, _‘What is your problem, call the police!’_ But it's too late because she's already getting murdered? Well…

“My story's kind of like that.”

He has a camera in front of him filming, already set up in the house because he’s in the process of making a new video for his blog and he needs the new material for his interview.

He's obviously stressed, a nervous talker, but none of the people in front of him seem to care all too much as he starts his story.

**TWO WEEKS AGO**

“It's a surprise for Ian.” He says into the phone. The loudness from the cab is nearly deafening, causing him to speak louder into the phone. “I'm just going to walk in there and drop my coat on the ground.” His best friend chuckles over the line, but he's so nervous that he keeps talking. “He says he has this fantasy that I'm a stripper with a heart of gold, and he's helping me out myself through culinary school so I can open my own bakery.”

_“He didn't say the last part, did he Bits?”_ The light, feminine voice says from the other end, and he can't help but blush even though she can't see him.

“Um…no. But-” He cuts off her laughter with his own as he tries to explain himself. “-I wanted to create a three-dimensional sex character!”

_“Oh my God, Bitty-”_ her laughter could be heard through the phone, and he purposely ignored the weird look the cab driver was sending his way.

“Lardo, sweetie, I'm gonna need you to quiet yourself-”

_“What's your stripper name!”_ She asks instead, snorting with laughter. Not knowing what to say, his face turned hilariously red before he mumbled into the phone, trying to make up a name.

“Jason Harold?”

_“...Your stripper name is Jason Harold.”_ She said disbelievingly, and he could just tell from her voice that she was giving him ‘the face.’

“Dick Harold…” He paused, wincing as he tried to correct himself. “Sexy Dick Ha-”

_“I'm gonna have to stop you right there, Bits. That's a terrible name.”_ He snorts, sending them both into a fit of poorly hidden giggles before her voice filters through, coming out fond. Lardo was his best friend, his sister in everything but blood, and he couldn't love her more than he did in this moment. _“Look at you Bits. You're in the back of a cab, totally naked…I'm so proud of you.”_

“Thanks hun…” he sighed, smiling happily. Looking up, his face brightened once he saw the familiar house getting closer and closer. “I have to go! I'll text you once it's over, alright!” He didn't bother waiting for a response before he hung up. Lardo would give him crap for giving her the buzzer, but he was too excited to care.

Quickly throwing money at the cab driver, he exited the vehicle and grabbed his bag from the back. He had been at a Food Convention the past week, and he had missed Ian so much. They had texted constantly throughout his time there, but it wasn't the same as being next to him, waking up with the morning sun reflecting off his face.

Bitty sighed happily.

He had never felt this way about anyone, and this surprise, him coming home early…Well, he hoped Ian would be happy to see him.

“Hey sweetie!” Bitty exclaimed as he closed the door. His long time boyfriend was already up, and walking towards him with a loose shirt on and some boxers. He had a surprised look on his face.

Bitty didn't notice how the surprise turned into panic.

“Eric! What-”

“Who's Eric?” He mumbled, trying to be seductive as he slowly stripped from the robe he was wearing. “You're talking to…Little Dicky.” He threw down the robe, kicking it with his foot so he wouldn't slip on it when he started dancing, but he missed and it only ended up moving forward a few inches. He didn't let that stop him though.

“Oh fuck…” Ian whispered, eyes widening.

Bitty was running his hands through his hair, shaking his hips and wiggling as he turned and hopped over to the couch, throwing his phone down in the process while he started up his ‘Sexytime Playlist.’

“Look at me…” he whispered, not really paying attention to anything but the music as he swayed and danced. “I'm doing sexy things with a pillow.” He laughed, high and bright when Ian’s eyes got wide.

“J-just, Eric-”

“I'm doing sexy things~” he threw the pillow back to the couch, knocking over a book as it spiraled and went to walk over to their fake plant by the armrest. “...with a _plant_.”

“Oh my god-”

The plant, that he really shouldn't have tried to spin on, fell the the floor with a loud crash, the porcelain breaking in the process. Bitty jumped away, avoiding the jagged pieces before he continued to dance through the living room with the same about if enthusiasm.

“I'll pick that up _later_ ~” he sang to the beat of _Partition_ which was barely starting, still trying to lighten the mood with all the mess he was making.

He hummed, closing his eyes and turning, singing the lyrics as loud as he could while he shimmied and turned. Opening his eyes, he started to sing the lyrics of the verse before he fully comprehended what was in front of him.

Ian, the boy he had been dating since he was 19, the boy who had told him that he wanted to marry him when he got drunk on Bitty’s 22nd birthday, was now standing next to a _half naked_ , rumpled up, _beautiful_ young woman. Eyes widening, he looked at Ian, surprised and shocked at what he was seeing.

It was obvious that she had just woken up. The door to their shared bedroom was open, and Bitty tried to look past the clothes that were thrown across the room but he couldn't. He just…he couldn't believe what he was seeing.

“Oh…” he whispered, voice shaky as tears started to stream down his face.

**PRESENT DAY**

“So…that happened.” He shrugged, now looking at the multiple pairs of wide eyes in front of him. “That's why I need a new apartment.” He said as he shrugged and clapped his hand mindlessly, voice barely scratchy despite his obvious sniffles and red eyes.

Breathing in, he sucked in a surprised and embarrassed breath as he squinted and brought his shoulders up.

“I'm sorry, what was the question again?” He asked, scratching the back of his head in a nervous gesture. The man with the impossibly blue eyes, who couldn't possibly be much older than Bitty, stared in wonder for a moment before he looked to the men (with the same wide eyes) surrounding him on the couch and answered incredulously.

“...do you have any pets?” 


	2. Conference Call

“You know what's funny?” Bitty asked brightly after a few minutes of awkward silence. “When I saw your ad on Craigslist, I thought you were women.” He stated, smiling as he tried to diffuse the tension. They all laughed, but one in particular spoke up to reply to his statement.

“Oh no…we’re all, that's…” He was smiling, laughing as he sat forward to look at him before his face shut down completely, standing up and crossing his arms at the small baker. “Why would you think that? That's crazy! I mean-”

“Nursey wrote the ad.” Blue eyes cut in with a frown, interrupting his roommates rambling as he stared plainly at Bitty.

“O-oh!” He stuttered, apologizing to the fine skinned boy in front of him. “I'm sorry, I just assumed because of the words you used.”

“The words I used? What's wrong with my writing?” Nursey asked, nearly demanding the question. Bitty stepped back, alarmed, before continuing in a more subdued voice.

“You used umm… ‘sun-soaked’ and ‘beige-y’-” Bitty never got to finish his sentence because the others I roared with laughter. It was clear that they hadn't even checked what Nursey had wrote before posting it online, but their reactions still made his smile regardless before Nursey stood up suddenly and shrugged while the guy next to him leaned forward and took off his shirt. He had a mustache and sunglasses on, and Bitty couldn't help but stare with wide-eyes, and was very confused when he just…sat back down.

“Shits, what are you doing-”

“Do these look beige-y to you, brah?” He asked, leaning back as he gestured to his abdomen, completely ignoring the sad-eyed man. Bitty stared, eyes widening further as he flickered his eyes down and back up again.

“Sorry about him.” The darker skinned man to the far right, the one who was closest to him, smiled and said in apology. Bitty laughed, a little uncomfortable as to how they were all acting. “He's insecure about his body.”

“No i'm not! Look at these fuckers!”

“You don't have abs, Shitty.” This time it was the pale one with blonde hair and glasses who spoke. “How many more times do we have to tell you that.”

“Bro!” The darker skinned man laughed, holding up his fist. “Wicked burn.”

“Thanks Bro.” He replied, smiling easily as he fist-bumped him back.

Bitty was very confused.

“This is genuine LLS!” Shitty exclaimed, rolling his eyes as he grabbed the beer Nursey had gotten up to get him. “Ladies Love Shitty.”

“What!” Nursery coughed on the swig of beer he had just taken. “What did you just say?” He laughed.

“That's a fine!” The blonde one exclaimed with a laugh.

“Go put a dollar into the jar!” His ‘Bro’ continued, pointing to a jar on the far end of the living room. If Bitty looked close enough, he would see a taped up pink sticky-note with the words _‘Fine Jar’_ dribbled across it, but he simply watched as Shitty rolled his eyes and got up, pulling a dollar out of his wallet and calmly placed it into the jar.

“Damn it.” He muttered, pulling on his shirt again before he sat back down with a loud, inappropriate moan of despair. Bitty looked away, his eyes finally catching how well the natural light reflected off everything in the Haus.

“This place is beautiful…” He mumbled in awe. The whole thing looked wonderful. It was old, and rustic, but he could tell that everything was well loved. They boys obviously took good care of it, but he couldn't get past how everything just didn't match. There were two couches, one was a rich brown leather, while the other was a horrid blue green. The drapes ranged from yellow to cream, to dark blue and red. The hardwood flow was so dirty and the paint was chipping, but he loved the way he felt in here. If they accepted him, he would just burst from happiness. This place, this Haus…it felt like he was home again, even if it was full of big, beefy, good looking, weird strangers.

“It's got so much light and the kitchen is amazing…” he continued, walking over and crossing his arms. The sink was full of dirty dishes, and it took all he had not to go over there and wash them until they were spotless.

His mind drifted, voice catching as he thought about… _him_.

“Ian always hated how I was in the kitchen so much…” He mumbled, just loud enough for the others to hear him. The Haus got quiet, and he purposefully turned his head away from their gaze. “He always had the blinds closed too.” Me mumbled, walking up to the island.

“It's hard to say his name.” Bitty admitted brokenly to the group. Almost immediately after he finished the phrase, all four of them got up and followed him to the kitchen.

“It's okay. Jack knows how you feel.” Shitty said, turning to him as he gestured to the quiet blue eyed man who was now to his right. “He got dumped recently. You two can bond over getting your hearts broken by assholes who ch-”

“Shitty.” Jack interrupted quietly.

Beside him, Shitty sighed in despair.

The rest of the boys just stared blankly at Jack.

“Yeah, okay…” Jack sighed, shoulders slumping miserably. “I got dumped six months ago, guys. You can stop worrying about me.”

Their faces went even more blank and disbelieving.

“...why is everyone looking at me?” Jack asked, his brows furrowing in confusion, but relaxed once they all turned to look at Eric after the awkward moment.

“You know what!” Bitty jumped, a wide smile on his face once everyone settled their eyes on him. He was still in the kitchen, and had subconsciously grabbed an apple from the counter as he turned to them. “I want to live here.”

“Actually-” Jack cut in, getting up and walking over to him. “-I still have some questions.”

“Well, question away!” The baker said brightly, eyes shimmering in the sunlight.

“We barely know you.”

 _“That's not even a question.”_ The darker skinned man mumbled to Shitty, who waved him off with a simple _“Ransom, shush.”_

“Ah, well-” Bitty mumbled, clearing his throat as a blush fought its way to his cheeks. “-I’m a little emotional right now ‘cause of the breakup. Ya’ll won't have to worry about me…but if I end up moving in I have to warn ya, I'll be watching Dirty Dancing around six or four times…” he took a deep breath, and coughed. “...a day.”

He took a moment to regain his breath, and his confidence. “I’m a semi-famous food blogger, so I'll be bakin’ a lot of pies, and sweets and such. Um…” What else…

“Also, I love Beyoncé, so I'll be singin’ and blasting a lot of her music and I'm just…I'm tired of living with my bestfriend. It's only been two weeks, but she's an artist. She needs her space and I feel like I'm just intruding…She brings in a lot of artistic people and models so-”

“How soon can you move in?” Nursey demanded, his eyes almost bored while his voice was steely. Bitty, unconsciously, took a step back in surprise.

“Wha-wait, _dude_ -”

“Bro, you don't even live here.” Holster said, interrupting Ransom and talking over almost everyone besides Shitty.

“Yeah, Nursey, what the fuck?”

“Can you give us a second?” Jack asked, staring Bitty right in the eyes. He was entranced, but quickly shook himself out of his head as he nodded at the taller man.

“Sure.” Bitty croaked out, shrugging to seem nonchalant.

“Yeah, all the Alphas need to talk-” Shitty exclaimed, loudly placing his palms on the counter before he stepped back, almost tripping over a shoe as he turned and walked towards the hallway. The rest of the boys, except for Nursey, followed suit.

“Shits, ‘The Alphas’ is not a thing-”

“LET ME DREAM HOLSTER.”

“That's a fine.” Ransom said, laughing as he and Holster fist bumped without even looking at each other.

“Uuugh.”

 

 

**_____**

 

 

“Well, I'm going to say yes.” Holster said immediately as the four of them walked into the locker room looking bathroom at the end of the hall. It was huge, and had three showers and six bathroom stalls, along with six sinks and about 12 lockers embedded into the wall. It wasn't too huge, but it as more than enough for them to talk privately with the door closed. “All his friends are artists and models, and he probably gets mad bills with his baking vlog-”

“I say no.” Shitty interrupted with a huff, rolling his eyes a little at the rambling. “I need to be able to come home from the office, sit on the couch and let my beans out-” he gestured to his crotch. “-let ‘me breathe.”

“I honestly don't care.” Ransom shrugged, indifferent. “Eric seems like a nice guy, and he definitely fits the requirements we were looking for in a roommate, so really it's all up to you Jack.”

“Well…” he cleared his threat, uncomfortable in the spotlight even though the three in front of him were some of his closest friends. “You make some valid points, but umm…”

“Oh no.” Shitty moaned, watching as Jack's shoulders caved in and he reached his arms back, putting on the hood of his sweater over most of his face. “Brah noooo.”

“Don't you dare hood me Zimmerman!” The lawyer hissed, flapping his arms wildly as he tried to reach up to pull the sweater back down. “Put the hood down!”

“Please don't hood us! Jack, come on!” Ransom butted in, almost whining like a petulant child. Jack was hard to deal with like this.

“We pushed him too hard too quick, bro.” Holster replied, shaking his head and looking down with a frown.

“Well, how about this?” Shitty said, looking to the three of them. “There's only one no, so he's in.”

 _“Yay! I'm in!”_ The four jumped, hearing the shrill voice behind the door and opening it to reveal Bitty. “You are not going to regret this.” The small blonde said with a wide smile, placing his hands in his waist as he looked at all of them.

“…Shitty…” Holster mumbled, eyes wide. “...what have you done?”

 

 

**_____**

 

 

“Lardo, they said yes! I'm going to be moving in!” Bitty was nearly screaming into his phone, giddy with nerves and excitement as he laid on the couch and looked up at the ceiling above him. They four of them had just walked out of the bathroom, resigned at the situation they had all put themselves in, but Bitty had ignored them and had immediately called Lardo to share the news.

Despite moving out of her loft, he was genuinely excited to be moving in with these guys.

He didn't know why it felt so right for him to be here.

 _“Bitty, that's great!”_ Lardo’s voice was happy, and he was glad that she was.

“Yeah, it's still gonna be a few days before I can get all my stuff into the place ‘cause they still have to clean up the room I'll be stayin’ in, but AAAHH! I'm so excited!”

_“I'm so happy for you. Hey, you still gonna be able to meet at our coffee spot every Thursday, or do we have to reschedule?”_

“Lord, we've been going there for years honey. Just because I'm leavin’ doesn't mean we won't have our weekly coffee date.”

_“Sweetness.”_

“Ah, well, I gotta go sweetie.” His voice went soft as he watched Jack walk past him and headed towards the kitchen. “The guys wanted to eat before I go and get my stuff from your loft.”

 _“You're not going to watch Dirty Dancing, are you?”_ Her voice was suddenly steely, quickly catching onto his soft voice. With everything going on, and his life changing so suddenly, he hadn't had time to grieve over the loss of his relationship.

“Psssshh, _no_ , of course not.” He tried to deny it, and he could practically hear her rolling her eyes over the phone.

_“Also, they're not going to murder you, right. I mean, moving in with four strange guys from the internet seems pretty sketchy dude.”_

“Ah, no, I don't think so.” Bitty shrugged, leaning up on his elbows, he saw Jack sitting with Shitty, and decided to call out to the two men in his sights. “Hey, are you gonna murder me because you're a stranger I met on the internet?”

“Abso-fuckin’-lutely.” Shitty said immediately after he heard the question, sitting down at the high chair at the kitchen island before grabbing a beer and, promptly, chugging the can dry.

“They said no.” Bitty replied back, mumbling and hoping that she didn't hear Shitty’s snort in the background.

_“Alright then. I'm gonna let you go, alright. I gotta be back at the exhibit in 7 minutes.”_

“Alright, I'll see you back at your place.”

_“Kay. Love you, Bits.”_

“Love you too Lardo.”  

_"Bye."_

"Bye."        


End file.
